This service is for both individuals motivated to work on their marriage. If one or both of you is not sure about the marriage and don’t know whether couples therapy can help,click here
“I submit to you that the most powerful substance available to us is another person who shows interest in us, and who cares. He or she serves as our “go-to person,” the one individual we can always count on to be there for us”
Relationships deteriorate for many reasons; life stages, prolonged stress, blended family issues, unrealistic expectations, addictions, mental health issues, and the list goes on. Relationships can be our biggest sources of comfort, and our greatest source of pain. They say the kiss of death for couples is when they lose their sense of humor, and the death of marital satisfaction is “hedonic adaption,” which is the natural human tendency to get so used to things that make us feel good, they no longer do. In other words, things that thrill us tend to be short-lived, this is true especially when it comes to our romantic relationships. Studies show that the “happiness boost” that occurs with marriage lasts about two years, after which people revert to their former levels of happiness-or unhappiness.
When there is no engagement, you no longer care, lost your sense of empathy for the other and have no desire to work issues out, feel hopeless as if you don’t matter, and no longer feel important to them, it may be time to seek professional help. Through couples therapy, I can help you get unstuck.
Our relationships stabilize and ground us.
When our relationships become disrupted, we are thrown off balance and stop turning towards the relationship for safety and comfort. We begin turning towards other “competing attachments,” such as, work, family, friends, and whatever else we can bond to. The problem is you will forgive your partner, while your family and friends won’t. The other issue is if you’re turning towards everything and everyone else aside from the one person who can fix the problem (your partner) you will find yourself in an endless cycle of suffering, hoping and wishing that your relationship would change, yet remaining stuck. Or perhaps you have voiced your concerns in the relationship, but you just can’t seem to get through to your partner.
Most of the time partners are triggered in a way they can’t really hear the other person. Every time you say something to your partner, or they say something to you, it goes through a filter before it reaches your ears. As a couple’s therapist, I have a wonderful job because I get to stand as the outsider, hear both of you, and get down to the nitty gritty about what is causing your relationship so much pain. You have your filter; your lens and I have the unique opportunity to witness the underlying meanings without getting triggered or caught up in the stuff that could be preventing you from truly hearing your partner or feeling heard by your partner.
The first step to change is always to see a situation as it really is. We often create suffering in our relationships when reality doesn’t match the ideal in our head. When we find the courage to face the truth, accept reality instead of clinging to what we wish it would be, the pressure in the relationship automatically starts to shift.
Fighting is an attempt to feel heard by your partner.