This service is for both individuals motivated to work on their marriage. If one or both of you is not sure about the marriage, don’t know whether marriage counseling can help, and are considering divorce click here
“I submit to you that the most powerful substance available to us is another person who shows interest in us, and who cares. He or she serves as our “go-to person,” the one individual we can always count on to be there for us”
Our marriages deteriorate for many reasons; life stages, prolonged stress, blended family issues, unrealistic expectations, addictions, mental health issues, and the list goes on. Our marriages can be our biggest sources of happiness, and our greatest source of pain.
“Hedonic adaption” is the natural human tendency to get so used to things that make us feel good, they no longer do. In other words, things that thrill us tend to be short-lived, and this is true especially when it comes to our marriages. Studies show that the “happiness boost” that occurs with marriage lasts about two years, after which people revert to their former levels of happiness-or unhappiness.
When there is no engagement, you no longer care, lost your sense of empathy for the other and have no desire to work issues out, feel hopeless as if you don’t matter, and no longer feel important to them, it may be time to seek professional help. Through marriage counseling, we can help you get unstuck.
When our marriages become disrupted, we are thrown off balance and stop turning towards the relationship for connection and comfort. We begin turning towards other “competing attachments” like work, distracting behaviors, a person or whatever else we can bond to. The problem is, if you’re not turning towards the one person who can fix the problem, you will find yourself in an endless cycle of pain, hoping and wishing that your relationship will change, yet remaining stuck. Or, perhaps you have tried to directly voice your concerns in your relationship, but it just triggers another fight.
Why do so many couples struggle with escalating arguments?
It boils down to having 2 different programs, and when you try to run these 2 different programs on the same machine – you’re going to get a virus. So, most of the time couples think it is about “you don’t hear me, or you don’t understand” when really the fight is I am working off the only program I know.
Shutting down happens when someone finds themselves saying, “I don’t know what to say to you and I feel like throwing up my hands. So, I get stuck and don’t say nothing at all to you”
Meanwhile, the other person continues to escalate as their partner continues to shut down and give them the silent treatment so they get louder. The shutdown partner becomes more withdrawn and the other pursues harder struggling to calm down. One partner needs space, the other needs connection.
When we dance in different directions, it leads to disconnection. And with one partner feeling dismissed, and the other too overwhelmed to respond, it can be difficult to get back into a connecting state, making the relationship live in a state of back-and-forth arguments.
The Couples Therapists at Regaining Connections have the wonderful privilege of being an outside witness to your relationship. This allows us to hear both sides of the story and identify the negative patterns holding both partners back from feeling the love between them.
It is Time feel Happy in your Marriage
If you’re ready to grow stronger together, if you’re ready to improve your relationship without feeling you must filter your messages or scream to feel understood, then we are ready to help lead your marriage down the path of deeper fulfillment and connection.
We know it can feel difficult to talk about your marriage with a professional, but it can be the one thing you’ve voided that will lead you to feel valued, heard and connected in your marriage.
We look forward to seeing you happy in your marriage!